---
title: "Chinese etiquette: table manners, chopsticks, toasts, gifts, red envelopes and greetings, with the Chinese to say"
description: "Chinese etiquette in one page: chopstick rules, seats and toasts at a meal, who pays, which gifts to give and never give (clocks, pears, umbrellas), red envelopes and lucky amounts, greetings, names and business cards, each with the Chinese words to say."
canonical: "https://mandarinthewild.com/guides/chinese-etiquette"
published: "2026-10-27"
updated: "2026-10-27"
author: "Mandarin The Wild"
---

# Chinese etiquette: the rules and the words to say

Most rules come from one idea: show the other person respect, and never make them lose face.

By Mandarin The WildUpdated 27 October 20264 min read

We make Mandarin The Wild.

The short answer

Chinese etiquette is built on respect and face, 面子 (miànzi): honour the host, the elder and the guest, and never embarrass anyone in front of others. At the table, never stand chopsticks upright in rice, let the host order and pay, and toast with your glass lower than an elder’s. Give and take gifts and cards with both hands, never give a clock, and give red envelopes with even, new notes.

## At the table

Eating together is how Chinese people honour a guest, and a formal meal has a seat for everyone1:

- **Wait to be seated.** The seat of honour, facing the door, is the host’s or the oldest person’s; the most important guests sit closest to it.
- **Chopsticks never stand upright** in a bowl of rice: it looks like the incense burned for the dead2. Lay them across the bowl or on the rest, and never point with them or dig through a shared dish for the best piece.
- **Share the dishes.** Food sits in the middle, often on a turntable; take from the side nearest you, and serve an elder or a guest before yourself.
- **Pour for others** before yourself. When someone fills your cup and you can’t stop to say 谢谢 (xièxie), tap the table twice with two fingers1.
- **Waste nothing.** Finish what is in your bowl; what is left in the shared dishes can be packed to take home, 打包 (dǎbāo), which compliments the cook1.

## Toasts

At a dinner with drinks, everyone toasts everyone at least once, and refusing a toast is rude1. Hold your glass with both hands, keep its rim lower than an elder’s or the host’s, and drink when they do. 干杯 (gānbēi) means “dry the cup”: drain it. If you don’t drink, say so early and toast with tea or juice.

为我们的友谊干杯！

gānbēi: “To our friendship, cheers!”

干gān杯bēi

Noun

cheers; to drink a toast

Also written 乾杯

| To say | Pinyin | When |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 干杯！ | gānbēi | “Cheers!”, drain the glass |
| 我敬你一杯。 | wǒ jìng nǐ yì bēi | “A toast to you”, raising your glass to one person |
| 随意。 | suíyì | “As you like”, drink only as much as you want |

## Who pays

The person who invites pays, and friends often argue over the bill, because paying shows generosity1. Offer once or twice; if your host insists, thank them and invite them next time. Restaurants in mainland China don’t expect a tip. To ask for the bill, say 买单 (mǎidān) or 结账 (jiézhàng).

## Gifts

- **Two hands.** Give and take a gift, a business card or anything handed over with both hands.
- **Refuse first.** Many people politely turn a gift down once or twice before taking it, and wait to open it until the giver has left.
- **Pick by sound.** A gift is judged by what its name sounds like in Chinese3:

| Never give | Chinese | Because it sounds like |
| --- | --- | --- |
| a clock | 送钟 (sòng zhōng) | 送终 (sòng zhōng), being with someone as they die |
| pears to share | 分梨 (fēn lí) | 分离 (fēnlí), separation |
| an umbrella | 伞 (sǎn) | 散 (sàn), to break up |
| anything in fours | 四 (sì) | 死 (sǐ), death5 |

Fruit, tea, sweets or something from your own country are safe gifts to bring to someone’s home. Our [Chinese homophones](https://mandarinthewild.com/chinese-homophones) list has the sounds behind these and the lucky ones, like 八 (bā) for wealth.

## Red envelopes

A red envelope, 红包 (hóngbāo), is money given at New Year, weddings and birthdays, usually by the married or the older to the young4. The amount ends in an even number, because odd amounts belong to funerals, except 9 (九, jiǔ, which sounds like 久, “long-lasting”); avoid any 4. Use new notes, give and take the envelope with both hands, and don’t open it in front of the giver. A New Year red envelope comes with a wish: 新年快乐 (xīnnián kuàilè, “Happy New Year”) or 恭喜发财 (gōngxǐ fācái, “wishing you wealth”).

## Greetings, names and cards

- **Greet the eldest first.** A nod and a light handshake are usual; the older or more senior person offers a hand first2.
- **Surname first.** 王伟 is Mr Wang. Use the surname with a title, 王老师 (Wáng lǎoshī, “Teacher Wang”) or 王总 (Wáng zǒng, for a boss), until you are asked to use the given name.
- **Business cards** go across with both hands, the words facing the other person. Read the card before putting it away, never in a back pocket.
- **Turn a compliment aside.** Praised, people answer 哪里哪里 (nǎli nǎli, “oh, not at all”) rather than “thank you”.

## Words to say

| To say | Pinyin | Meaning |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 您好 | nín hǎo | hello, to an elder or someone senior |
| 请 | qǐng | please, after you |
| 谢谢 | xièxie | thank you |
| 不客气 | bú kèqi | you’re welcome |
| 慢走 | màn zǒu | “walk slowly”, said by a host to a leaving guest |
| 辛苦了 | xīnkǔ le | “you’ve worked hard”, thanks for an effort |

Each comes with its sound on our pages of [polite phrases](https://mandarinthewild.com/chinese-phrases/polite) and [greetings](https://mandarinthewild.com/chinese-greetings), and [phrases at a restaurant](https://mandarinthewild.com/chinese-phrases/restaurant) has the ones to order with. Our [Library](https://mandarinthewild.com/library) and the [extension](https://mandarinthewild.com/extension) let you hear and read how people really say them, in stories, shows and on any page.

## Questions

### What are the basic rules of Chinese table manners?

Wait to be seated, never stand chopsticks upright in rice, take food from the side of the dish nearest you, serve elders first, pour drinks for others before yourself and finish what is in your bowl. The host orders and usually pays.

### What gifts should you never give in China?

A clock (送钟 sounds like attending a death), pears to share (分梨 sounds like separation), an umbrella (伞 sounds like breaking up) and anything in fours (四 sounds like death). Fruit, tea and sweets are safe.

### How much money goes in a red envelope?

An even amount in new notes, never one with a 4 in it; 9 is the one odd number that is welcome. The amount depends on how close you are: more for a wedding or close family, less for a friend’s child at New Year.

## Sources

Checked on 27 October 2026. Prices and features change; tell us if one has.

1. [Wikipedia: Customs and etiquette in Chinese dining (seats, chopsticks, tea, toasts and the bill)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Customs_and_etiquette_in_Chinese_dining)
2. [Wikipedia: Etiquette in Asia, China (handshakes and table manners)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette_in_Asia#China)
3. [Wikipedia: Faux pas derived from Chinese pronunciation (clocks, umbrellas, pears)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faux_pas_derived_from_Chinese_pronunciation)
4. [Wikipedia: Red envelope (who gives them, even amounts, the exception of 9)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_envelope)
5. [Wikipedia: Chinese numerology (why 4 is avoided)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_numerology)

## Keep exploring

- [Guide书法Chinese calligraphy](https://mandarinthewild.com/guides/chinese-calligraphy)
- [Guide普通话Mandarin vs Chinese](https://mandarinthewild.com/guides/mandarin-vs-chinese)
- [Guide流利How to learn Chinese](https://mandarinthewild.com/guides/how-to-learn-chinese)

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