Chinese etiquette: the rules and the words to say

At the table

Eating together is how Chinese people honour a guest, and a formal meal has a seat for everyone¹:

• Wait to be seated. The seat of honour, facing the door, is the host’s or the oldest person’s; the most important guests sit closest to it.
• Chopsticks never stand upright in a bowl of rice: it looks like the incense burned for the dead². Lay them across the bowl or on the rest, and never point with them or dig through a shared dish for the best piece.
• Share the dishes. Food sits in the middle, often on a turntable; take from the side nearest you, and serve an elder or a guest before yourself.
• Pour for others before yourself. When someone fills your cup and you can’t stop to say 谢谢 (xièxie), tap the table twice with two fingers¹.
• Waste nothing. Finish what is in your bowl; what is left in the shared dishes can be packed to take home, 打包 (dǎbāo), which compliments the cook¹.

Toasts

At a dinner with drinks, everyone toasts everyone at least once, and refusing a toast is rude¹. Hold your glass with both hands, keep its rim lower than an elder’s or the host’s, and drink when they do. 干杯 (gānbēi) means “dry the cup”: drain it. If you don’t drink, say so early and toast with tea or juice.

为我们的友谊干杯！

干gān杯bēi

Noun

cheers; to drink a toast

Also written 乾杯

Who pays

The person who invites pays, and friends often argue over the bill, because paying shows generosity¹. Offer once or twice; if your host insists, thank them and invite them next time. Restaurants in mainland China don’t expect a tip. To ask for the bill, say 买单 (mǎidān) or 结账 (jiézhàng).

Gifts

• Two hands. Give and take a gift, a business card or anything handed over with both hands.
• Refuse first. Many people politely turn a gift down once or twice before taking it, and wait to open it until the giver has left.
• Pick by sound. A gift is judged by what its name sounds like in Chinese³:

Fruit, tea, sweets or something from your own country are safe gifts to bring to someone’s home. Our Chinese homophones list has the sounds behind these and the lucky ones, like 八 (bā) for wealth.

Red envelopes

A red envelope, 红包 (hóngbāo), is money given at New Year, weddings and birthdays, usually by the married or the older to the young⁴. The amount ends in an even number, because odd amounts belong to funerals, except 9 (九, jiǔ, which sounds like 久, “long-lasting”); avoid any 4. Use new notes, give and take the envelope with both hands, and don’t open it in front of the giver. A New Year red envelope comes with a wish: 新年快乐 (xīnnián kuàilè, “Happy New Year”) or 恭喜发财 (gōngxǐ fācái, “wishing you wealth”).

Greetings, names and cards

• Greet the eldest first. A nod and a light handshake are usual; the older or more senior person offers a hand first².
• Surname first. 王伟 is Mr Wang. Use the surname with a title, 王老师 (Wáng lǎoshī, “Teacher Wang”) or 王总 (Wáng zǒng, for a boss), until you are asked to use the given name.
• Business cards go across with both hands, the words facing the other person. Read the card before putting it away, never in a back pocket.
• Turn a compliment aside. Praised, people answer 哪里哪里 (nǎli nǎli, “oh, not at all”) rather than “thank you”.

Words to say

Each comes with its sound on our pages of polite phrases and greetings, and phrases at a restaurant has the ones to order with. Our Library and the extension let you hear and read how people really say them, in stories, shows and on any page.

Questions

What are the basic rules of Chinese table manners?

Wait to be seated, never stand chopsticks upright in rice, take food from the side of the dish nearest you, serve elders first, pour drinks for others before yourself and finish what is in your bowl. The host orders and usually pays.

What gifts should you never give in China?

A clock (送钟 sounds like attending a death), pears to share (分梨 sounds like separation), an umbrella (伞 sounds like breaking up) and anything in fours (四 sounds like death). Fruit, tea and sweets are safe.

How much money goes in a red envelope?

An even amount in new notes, never one with a 4 in it; 9 is the one odd number that is welcome. The amount depends on how close you are: more for a wedding or close family, less for a friend’s child at New Year.

Sources

Checked on 27 October 2026. Prices and features change; tell us if one has.

1. Wikipedia: Customs and etiquette in Chinese dining (seats, chopsticks, tea, toasts and the bill)
2. Wikipedia: Etiquette in Asia, China (handshakes and table manners)
3. Wikipedia: Faux pas derived from Chinese pronunciation (clocks, umbrellas, pears)
4. Wikipedia: Red envelope (who gives them, even amounts, the exception of 9)
5. Wikipedia: Chinese numerology (why 4 is avoided)