“关系”是什么意思？
What does guanxi mean?
Name: ________________ Date: ________
小王的孩子生病了，想找一位很有名的医生看病，可是网上早就约不到了。他正着急，同事安慰他说：“别急，我朋友的表哥就在那家医院工作，我帮你问问。”第二天，问题竟然解决了。
这就是中国人常说的“关系”。无论是看病、上学还是找工作，很多人第一个想到的就是它。
“关系”这个词，你或许早就学过。“没关系”的意思是“没事儿”，字面上的意思就是“没有联系”。可是，当中国人说“他有关系”的时候，意思就不一样了。这时候的“关系”，指的是一个人认识的人，以及这些人愿不愿意帮他的忙。
关系这么重要，连英语都直接借用了这个词，写成“guanxi”。牛津的英语词典里也有这个词，意思是：在中国，对做生意有帮助的关系网络。
那么，关系是怎么来的？最常见的，是家人、老同学、老乡和同事。你帮过我，我就欠你一个“人情”；下次你有困难，我也会想办法帮你。这种人情没有写下来的规则，也没有说好什么时候还，可是大家心里都记得。如果只拿不还，以后就很难获得别人的帮助了。
很多关系，是在饭桌上建立的。一起吃饭、喝茶、聊天，逐渐地，陌生人变成了熟人，熟人变成了朋友。关系建立以后，还需要维持，所以每到节日，很多人会给老朋友打电话问候一下，或者送些小礼物。
社会学家费孝通有一个很有名的比喻。他说，中国人的关系，就像把一块石头扔到水里：水面上出现一圈一圈的波纹，自己在中间，离自己越近的人，关系越好；越远的人，关系就越淡。
当然，关系也有不好的一面。有的人用关系排到前面、找工作，甚至为了自己的利益做违反法律的事，这叫“走后门”。没有关系的人，难免会觉得很不公平。不过，很多中国人也承认，在某些时候，没有关系，办事似乎就很难。
所以，关系就像一把钥匙。它能帮你打开很多门，然而如果用错了地方，也会引起麻烦。下次有中国朋友说“我帮你问问”，你就知道，他正在为你打开他的关系网。
Key words
| Word | Pinyin | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 无论 | wúlùn | no matter (what, how); regardless of |
| 联系 | liánxì | to contact; to get in touch with |
| 当 | dāng | when; at the time of |
| 指 | zhǐ | to mean; to refer to |
| 直接 | zhíjiē | direct; immediate; directly; straight |
| 困难 | kùnnan | difficult; hard; difficulty; problem |
| 获得 | huòdé | to obtain; to gain; to win |
| 扔 | rēng | to throw; to toss |
| 出现 | chūxiàn | to appear; to emerge; to arise |
| 排 | pái | to arrange; to line up |
| 法律 | fǎlǜ | law |
| 办事 | bànshì | to handle affairs; to work; to get things done |
English (for the teacher)
Xiao Wang’s child was ill and he wanted a very famous doctor to see her, but the appointments online had long since gone. Just as he was getting anxious, a colleague reassured him: “Don’t worry, my friend’s cousin works at that hospital. I’ll ask for you.” The next day, amazingly, the problem was solved.
This is what Chinese people call guanxi, “connections”. Whether it’s seeing a doctor, getting into a school or finding a job, it’s the first thing many people think of.
You have probably learned the word 关系 already. 没关系 means “it doesn’t matter”; literally it is “no connection”. But when Chinese people say 他有关系, “he has guanxi”, the meaning is different. Here 关系 means the people someone knows, and whether those people are willing to help him.
Guanxi matters so much that English has simply borrowed the word, written “guanxi”. Oxford’s English dictionary has the word too, meaning the network of relationships in China that helps people do business.
So where does guanxi come from? Most often from family, old classmates, people from your hometown and colleagues. If you have helped me, I owe you a favour, a 人情; next time you are in trouble, I will find a way to help you too. There are no written rules for this kind of favour, and no one says when it must be repaid, but everyone remembers. If you only take and never give back, it will soon be hard to get anyone’s help.
A lot of guanxi is built at the dinner table. Eating, drinking tea and chatting together, strangers slowly become acquaintances, and acquaintances become friends. Once guanxi is built, it has to be kept up, so at every festival many people call old friends to say hello or send them small gifts.
The sociologist Fei Xiaotong had a famous image for this. He said Chinese relationships are like throwing a stone into water: rings of ripples spread across the surface with you at the centre, and the closer people are to you, the better the relationship; the farther away, the fainter it becomes.
Of course, guanxi has a bad side too. Some people use connections to get to the front of the queue, get jobs or even break the law for their own gain, and this is called “going through the back door”. People without connections can’t help feeling it is very unfair. Still, many Chinese people admit that at certain times, without guanxi it seems hard to get things done.
So guanxi is like a key. It can open many doors for you, but used in the wrong place it can also cause trouble. Next time a Chinese friend says “I’ll ask around for you”, you’ll know he is opening up his network of guanxi for you.