什么是“面子”？
What is face (mianzi) in Chinese culture?
Name: ________________ Date: ________
在中国的饭馆里，你可能会看到这样的事情：吃完饭，两个人同时站起来，一个拿着手机，一个拿着钱包，抢着买单。“我来！”“不行，我来！”两个人几乎要吵起来了。
他们真的那么想花钱吗？不完全是。他们抢的，其实是“面子”。
“面子”本来的意思就是脸。可是在中文里，它更多指的是一个人在别人眼里的样子：别人尊重不尊重你，看得起看不起你。请客的人有面子，因为这说明他舍得花钱，也说明他把朋友当回事。
所以，中国人特别爱说跟面子有关的话。比如，朋友请你吃饭，你去了，这就叫“给他面子”。如果你在很多人面前说老板错了，老板就会觉得“丢面子”，也就是觉得大家看不起他了。有的人为了面子，自己再难也不说，甚至借钱请客也愿意，人们就说他“死要面子活受罪”。
有意思的是，中文里还有一个词，叫“脸”。它和面子很像，可是不完全一样。一九四四年，一位中国女学者专门写文章比较过这两个词。按照她的说法，面子更像别人对你的看法，有钱、有地位、事情办得漂亮，面子就大；脸更像一个人是不是好人、能不能让人相信。所以，说一个人“没面子”，只是有点儿不好意思；可是说一个人“不要脸”，这可是在骂人了。
面子这么重要，作家鲁迅也注意到了。一九三四年，他写了一篇文章，叫《说“面子”》。他说，有外国人认为，面子是理解中国人的关键。可是到底什么是面子呢？鲁迅说：不去想还好，一想就觉得糊涂。
那么，在中国跟别人在一起，要注意什么呢？很简单：别让人在大家面前丢面子。想说别人的问题，尽量避免在大家面前说。别人称赞你，你可以客气一下。朋友请了你，下次记得也请他一次。
最后告诉你一个小办法：如果你想请客，又不想吃完饭跟人抢着买单，那就吃到一半，说要去洗手间，然后偷偷把钱付了。不少中国人都会这么做。
Key words
| Word | Pinyin | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 其实 | qíshí | actually; in fact |
| 别人 | biéren | other people; others; someone else |
| 特别 | tèbié | special; unusual; especially; particularly |
| 有关 | yǒuguān | related; relevant; concerned; to have to do with |
| 比如 | bǐrú | for example; for instance; such as |
| 面前 | miànqián | in front of; before; in the face of |
| 难 | nán | difficult; hard |
| 同时 | tóngshí | at the same time; simultaneously |
| 完全 | wánquán | completely; entirely; totally; complete; whole |
| 指 | zhǐ | to mean; to refer to |
| 样子 | yàngzi | appearance; look |
| 说明 | shuōmíng | explanation; instructions; to explain; to illustrate |
English (for the teacher)
In a Chinese restaurant you may see something like this: after the meal, two people stand up at the same moment, one holding a phone and the other a wallet, each grabbing the bill. “I’ve got this!” “No, I’ve got it!” The two are almost ready to quarrel. Do they really want to spend money that badly?
Not exactly. What they are fighting over is actually “face”. “Face” (面子) originally just means the face.
But in Chinese it more often means how a person looks in other people’s eyes: whether others respect you, whether they think highly of you. The person who treats gains face, because it shows he doesn’t mind spending money and that he takes his friends seriously. So Chinese people love expressions about face.
For example, if a friend invites you to dinner and you go, that is called “giving him face”. If you tell your boss he is wrong in front of lots of people, he will feel he has “lost face”, that is, that everyone now looks down on him. Some people, for the sake of face, never admit how hard things are and will even borrow money to treat others, and people say of them that they “insist on face and suffer for it”. Interestingly, Chinese has another word too: 脸, “face”.
It is a lot like 面子, but not quite the same. In 1944 a Chinese woman scholar wrote a paper comparing the two words. In her account, 面子 is more like what others think of you: with money, status and things done in style, your face is big; 脸 is more about whether a person is good and can be trusted. So to say someone “has no face” (没面子) just means they are a bit awkward, but to say someone “doesn’t want face” (不要脸), meaning they are shameless, is an insult. Face is so important that the writer Lu Xun noticed it too.
In 1934 he wrote an essay called “On Face”. He wrote that some foreigners believed face was the key to understanding the Chinese. But what exactly is face? Lu Xun said it is fine as long as you don’t think about it; the moment you do, you get muddled. So what should you watch out for when you’re with people in China?
It’s simple: don’t make anyone lose face in front of everyone. If you want to point out someone’s problem, try not to do it in front of everyone. When someone praises you, you can be modest about it. When a friend treats you, remember to treat them next time. Finally, here’s a little trick.
If you want to pay but don’t want to fight over the bill at the end of the meal, then halfway through say you’re going to the toilet and quietly pay. Plenty of Chinese people do exactly that.